I'm terrible at encouragement

I don't understand why it is, but people, especially close friends or even people I seldom ever talk to, insist on telling me their life story. I still have yet to figure out what makes me a viable candidate for pep talks in any sort of scenario I happen to be brought up with, be it a "My Life Sucks," "Why does everyone hate me?" or even "Why won't my gf/bf talk to me?".


Now really, it's not that I don't care about everyone's problems, it's just that I always have to ask, "Why me, of all people?". And sure, there are a couple people who I'd make an exception for advice such as a small group of close friends who I always talk to, but even that's a little much sometimes. Just to create an example of myself to show I'm not a whiny asshole, here's a crappily-drawn comic, based off of a recent (and most likely exaggerated) conversation with a friend.

It all ends the same. I can't provide a single line of moral support, which is why I'll never be a successful psychiatrist, otherwise most of my patients would get the same treatment. So in conclusion, stop complaining to me. I don't care who you do it to, just don't do it to me, because you shall receive zero satisfaction.