This is why I'm a nazi

I'm a critic.  I'm just gonna go right out and say it.  I have something negative to say about fucking everything, no matter how passionately composed the thing is that I'm looking at.  It's not that I'm trying to be an asshole, I guess it's just the way I project myself that makes me sound like it.

Another thing about me is that I'm a huge grammar nazi, which isn't much of a statement on its own, but if you realized how many grudges, the number of enemies and the amount of death threats and chew-outs I've received from people because of it, you'd realize how much of my teenage life it's wrecked so far.

I mean come on, I'll bet you can't look me straight in the eye and tell me that an ADULT typing on a COMPUTER KEYBOARD who can barely type a coherent paragraph, not to mention one that looks like a fucking novel with absolutely no kind of punctuation, consistent sentences or meaning of any sort, doesn't make you question that person's school attendance record.

Naturally, I have to say something.  Now before you say I could also just choose not to say something because I have nothing positive to say about their commentary, please take note that as a grammar nazi, my fucking INSTINCT to point out such gross errors as these.  It's for the good of America, and it's a well-known fact that lazy typers have relations with Al Queda.

It's a conspiracy, doodz

I'm also positive that this is what goes through my head every morning when I wake up:

"Good morning world.  To start the day off, I think I'll do a little bit of not giving a fuck.  And for lunch, I think I'll have myself a little bit of criticism, and then at the end of the day, some good old bitching."

Repeat.

Goddamn, this is bad.
I guess I could just live with it and accept the fact that I'll always be a bitter person who always has something negative to say about everything in every aspect, but I plan to have children, and what will they think of me?

I guess us grammar nazis are just born and fated to live long, lonely lives.

Privacy is overrated

Yeah, I'm here with the Facebook ranting once again.  I guess it's just the fact that the longer you've been in a certain community, the more you have to bitch about with it.  The thing I have on mind right now is the whole privacy thing everyone is (well, sort of always has been) bitching about- privacy.

Since the dawn of ages man has always had some kind of tendency to keep things to himself.  Maybe in fears of rejection from other groups or simply for personal reasons or for keeping a sound reputation.  There are some, however, who have nothing to hide from the world and could just as easily tell you that they achieve great sexual gratification from seeing cow udders than they could with any other dark secret they may have.  For those who don't possess such a trait, however, there's Facebook.

Facebook is "a place for friends," as the website designers so tastefully describe it.  What do friends do?  They share things.  They tell each other personal experiences, tastes, what happened to them that day or what their perceptions are on why the sky is blue or why the hell do people still like Madonna.

Now, how many friends do you actually have in real life, not counting the ones you've added on Facebook (and God knows how many you could have added simply because of their 'mutual friend' count)?  If you're a fairly social kid, maybe a good round ten.  These are the ones whom you talk with all the time, constantly hang around with and can always relate their opinions and perspectives to yours.  You get along well and you're all happy with it.  They're your Facebook besties.
  No more should be necessary, but maybe there's another group you occasionally hang around with when your true ones are nowhere to be found, and you might have a few personal experiences with them as well, but none so much as cherishing as your true ones.  Maybe you added them on Facebook as well even though you have little to nothing in common with them.

My point is, why add more?  We've transformed into a society that tries to connect with nearly everyone we find online, what with the uprising of social networking sites like Facebook, eHarmony and IMVU whose goals are to connect people with each other romantically or to find their high school friends, and at the same time we've become a bunch of bitchy simpletons who still want their privacy respected.

How the fuck can I expect you to not tell me something personal when the other 400 people and I are friends with you on Facebook, yet at the same time you harp daily about how awesome your day was with so-and-so or what kind of mustard was in your Subway sandwich two days ago?  With the number of statuses you write in a day I could compile your biography if you continued to do it for just the next three years.  Yet despite this, Facebook keeps upgrading and developing their privacy policy restrictions, when people could just stop accepting friend requests for people they don't know.

I solve complications in everyone's bullshit problems once again.

Profile pictures

It's late as shit and I start school tomorrow, but I can't sleep at all.  I figured it would be appropriate to update and keep up my flow.

I've been on Facebook for quite awhile now.  Since about 2009 I've learned nearly everything about it; how it's used, what people like doing, what people like asking you to do (If I get one more fucking FarmVille invitation request, I swear...) and what people like posting, both pictures and status updates alike.  I'm here to talk about said images.

It's mainly the profile pictures.  People use pictures of themselves: in front of the bathroom mirror, in group shots or maybe pretending to do some good ol' underage alcoholic beverage guzzling at their dad's Halloween party, with more said images regarding pictures like these taken afterwards which are then haphazardly uploaded to the site the next day by some dickhead friend.

However, most people, if not all of them at some point, choose to plaster things other than their face on the site.  I've seen everything.  No really, EVERYTHING.  This article is dedicated to weird crap that I'd rather not see on your profile should I happen to be friended with you.

1. Your baby/kids


These kinds of pictures are usually from new parents who like to show off their new offspring to grandparents who have virtually no other pictures in their computer despite the fact of it being four years old and that they've never mastered the right click>Save Image As method.  Seriously, why do people use these?  I know it must be a good feeling to slap your accomplishments on everything, but I doubt anyone else besides close friends or family will give two shits of what your baby looks like.  Why?  Because all.  Babies.  Look.  Exactly.  The.  Same.  I swear to God.  You've seen one little person, you've seen them all.  And every time I look at their profile I can't help but imagine that somehow a small human with underdeveloped motor skills somehow murdered the previous account's owner, replaced their profile picture with theirs, and took over.

                                                                            You monster.......

2. Your truck/car/vehicle

Oh cool, you're the owner of a motor vehicle.  That's great and all, but almost everyone else in the country owns a car, so you're nothing special.  Most of the time it's not even their car either, just a picture they grabbed off of Google Images that they probably occasionally jerk off to because of how awesome they think it is.  That's another thing I want to get through, it's a motherfucking car.  A vehicle used for transportation.  A hunk of metal fitted with an internal combustion engine.  There is nothing cosmically spectacular about them, why do so many people rave over them, not paying attention to the fact that people have arguments over whether Ford, Dodge Chevrolet can pull more weight/drive harder/get better mileage.  Who gives a shit?  It's a fucking truck.  Rednecks like to drive around in them and shoot lawn ornaments out of the passenger window and haul semi-heavy crap with them.  There is nothing that cool or sophisticated about your truck.  Stop bragging about it.

                                                               Unless they come bundled with one of these.

3. The Ducklips

I don't even think I have to explain anything on this one...

                                                            Oh god, the ducklips....

4. Heavily-shopped portraits

These are usually made by anti-social teenage scene girls who try to look "artistic."  This fad is also usually coupled up with the ducklips more often than not, and often with added fake tears and stupid quotes with the words "pain" or "love" in them.  Oooh, so you've mastered the contrast settings tool, I see?  

                                                                 I am a tortured artist and all I want is to be loved :(((((( ~ <3

5.  Your pets

You are not a dog.  Get off of the internet and fetch me the paper.  

                                                             They say that your pets can reflect your personality.

          

Well, I feel like those are the only ones I can think of right now that I can go into real detail on.  I'm tired anyway, so I'll just stop there.

This is what passes for official if you live on DeviantART standards

First, we'll take a picture of a widely-recognized icon and import it into good ol' MSPaint.  But isn't this someone else's work?  Well, when we're done with it no one will be able to tell so that makes it legit!

Let's get to work. First, let's change the default color of the body. Try to pick the most generic, eye-blinding grabbing palettes you can find and slap 'em on.  Slap 'em on gewd.  Add some horns to further separate its appearance from the original template draft.  They also make him look pretty boss.

Now he needs a name.  Hmm... let's think of something cool and clever and clevre and kool.

Xonic


Fuck yes, I am a damned genius.  Sega should hire me.

Now simply upload this to DeviantART and prepare to bask in the flames praise from your oh-so meticulously rendered masterpiece.  Make several more of them as well so everyone can see how creative you truly are! :)

Drugs

Today I was watching a music video on YouTube (which is a weird activity for me, seeing as music posted on YouTube is either SoundSwapped from a fake copyright claim or by those giant media sluts Warner Music Group, or it's used in a shitty Windows Movie Maker style while some 11-year-old sings like a dying cow, and worst of all, can't even sing the lyrics right).


The song was "Donkey Rhubarb" by Aphex Twin. Aphex Twin (real name Richard David James) is one of what I consider to be the few surviving musical geniuses of the 21st century alongside Paul McCartney/Ringo Starr and Dave Mustaine. Every piece of media he has produced is a masterpiece, and listening to a single track from any of his released albums is easily comparable to being showered with the holy breath of an angel pig on your eardrum and cochlea, creating birth to happiness and joy.

Other people commenting on the video, however, did not share my same thoughts. Responses ranged from "lolwhut" to "this video is the epitome of awesome," but there were a couple that made me question certain users' overall brain capacity. Actually, it's a comment I've seen a lot on many internet pages; one that I think should cease to be used anymore.


LOL WTF THIS GUY MUST HAVE BEEN HIGH




Interesting observation, dickweed. How long did that utterance of wit take you to compose in that small mind of yours before you spit it out? Like seriously, I know someone being a critic when I see one, but this phrase appears all too often. It's unfair (as we don't even know what carcinogens could ever be used on Richard Dean James. If he is in fact a druggie, that still wouldn't derive the fact of his superior awesomeness.)


It was then when I decided to write this blog as a sort of punch to the nuts to those people. My words had to be made.


So you find this song weird, do you? I'm fine with that, to each his own, but what's with the whole drug-abuse assumption? Just because something you see that was made by someone else that did not fit into your alley of norm, it makes it okay to throw such a term? This would obviously clarify your viewpoint of drugs being a bad thing, right? Oh, sorry, I wouldn't mean to insult your tastes either. After all, it's not like most of the songs in the US Pop Billboard listings have anything to do with any kind of drug-infused, artistic garbage. Art should be one dimensional, and something that everyone can understand; artist viewpoints don't matter, right? Who do you listen to? Maybe Ke$ha, some Li'l Wayne, small doses of good old Bob Marley... these guys sure know how to inspire a generation, don't they? Whether it's dressing like a complete whore and singing about cocaine, or just scoring some jolly good jail time, these entrepreneurs set a bright path for our children to look to. Their messages are clear and easy for the average layman to understand. So obviously, if an obscurer artist's message is less clear and maybe takes a little figuring out, or they just have a more backwards way of putting it, that makes them weird, their message indecipherable, and overall makes them a strange person, because all people who make stuff like that have their veins pumped full of dope 24/7, and you're cool enough not to follow people who do that stuff, right?


Hear that, boys and girls? That's the sound of the air whooshing out of the multiple holes I just poked into their logic.


In short, just because an artist's message is different, don't automatically judge them. Look more into what they have to tell the world. After all, they could even get noticed for your recognition. Then they'd get rich and famous, and then guess who's sharing their mansion with you?


Oh, and while you're at it, look up some of this guy's songs.  If you're into electronic music or just something to listen to while you think, draw or read, check him out.  A lot of his songs are on YouTube and I can guarantee you that there's no other electronic musician out there that can make sounds like this guy can.

I'm terrible at encouragement

I don't understand why it is, but people, especially close friends or even people I seldom ever talk to, insist on telling me their life story. I still have yet to figure out what makes me a viable candidate for pep talks in any sort of scenario I happen to be brought up with, be it a "My Life Sucks," "Why does everyone hate me?" or even "Why won't my gf/bf talk to me?".


Now really, it's not that I don't care about everyone's problems, it's just that I always have to ask, "Why me, of all people?". And sure, there are a couple people who I'd make an exception for advice such as a small group of close friends who I always talk to, but even that's a little much sometimes. Just to create an example of myself to show I'm not a whiny asshole, here's a crappily-drawn comic, based off of a recent (and most likely exaggerated) conversation with a friend.

It all ends the same. I can't provide a single line of moral support, which is why I'll never be a successful psychiatrist, otherwise most of my patients would get the same treatment. So in conclusion, stop complaining to me. I don't care who you do it to, just don't do it to me, because you shall receive zero satisfaction.

My stance on Purple Day

I care about gay spirit.
I care about gay people.
I care about Hindus, Buddhists, atheists, Pagans and other people of various religious faith or lack thereof.
I care about just about everyone who has beliefs that don't pertain to my personal morals and/or values.
I am, however, against wearing purple. For one, I find it to be one of the gayest (if you'll mind the expression) colors under the sun. In fact, all holidays that require you to wear something to accentuate a certain theme all suck.


(If you don't want to read my shameless ranting, I suggest you skip down to the last paragraph)


These kinds of holidays never made sense to me, including Gay Pride awareness, as well as Breast Cancer awareness and all the other things that attempt to make people aware of things, the keyword being "aware" itself. So you people are saying that if we're not wearing purple or pink ribbons or making a holiday to remember the subject at hand (because NO ONE ever knew that things such as cancer and homosexual abuse existed until everyone started pressuring you to attach something to your person to remember said issue) we are automatically don't know what the hell's going on in the rest of the world? If we're making a day, a week or a month entirely dedicated to the awareness of a single global issue, what happens to the rest of the year after it? If you're saying we need to be aware of something for that allotted amount of days, then your behavior would make it seem like these problems simply vanish afterwards and then we all go home to watch the newest episode of Jersey Shore and laugh at how big Obama's ears are.


Why not make the ENTIRE year from hereafter Awareness Year? God knows we'd solve crap a lot faster that way, and maybe at that rate we'd be able to cure alzheimer's by 2011 from so much spiritual donating.


BUT HAUNTZOR U R MISSING THE WHOLE POINT OF DA HOLIDAY LOL? Maybe I am, or maybe I'm just an insensitive asshole and should be beaten and stoned for it, but my word of advice would be if you're going to make a holiday to remember something:




-- STOP SITTING ON YOUR ASS JUST PLAIN REMEMBERING AND TRY DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT --




I mean goddamnit you guys, you mope around talking about cancer like it can't be cured; even breast cancer, which people act like is the equivalent of a time bomb about to go off inside of your tits has been cured oh so many times. Why the hell are we donating to "cure" cancer if so many people are surviving from it, even the ones with malignant infections? (My mother is a skin cancer survivor, don't be giving me shit just because I've never had it) Granted, there are plenty of people dying from it as well but they're mostly the ones who can't afford proper medical treatment.


And why are we all of a sudden so worried about homosexual abuse? Don't get me wrong, seeing someone getting teased because of their orientation makes me do a facepalm too, but gay people have existed since the dawn of man, for Pete's sake, and all the while they've been shunned from regular society too. In fact, our generation is doing a damn fine job in finally accepting people from this group using a magic little technique called "tolerance". They're not exactly universally accepted YET but we're sure as hell trying.
--


Bottom line, do whatever you want if you want to get in spirit, just don't be acting like you're suddenly Jesus performing an incredible miracle for possessing shades of color on your shirt. Oh well, guess I can't expect to change people.